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March 27, 2015

Friday Favorites | The Internet

Holy shit I made it through the month! Seriously, if I couldn't keep up with my own "series" there was a problem. It's Friday so we're wrapping up the Friday Favorites series with my favorite internet funnies. every single one of these images had me laughing for way too long. Hopefully one will do the same to you!




Tell me this isn't true....


It's true and I apologize for nothing.



I've had this one pinned forever. It's just too funny... and adorable!



This one kills me. I don't care if it's photoshopped or not. It cracks me up. 


And as much as this would actually suck, it's kind of hilarious.



Sometimes I look at my smoothie after I've made it and this is exactly what I'm thinking.



Dead. Went into a coughing fit I was laughing so hard. K didn't think it was all that funny. Of course he has a shitty sense of humor, so there's that. 


And on that note, a single Friday letter:

Dear Internet, I love you.


Happy Friday!














March 25, 2015

Off My Chest

I feel like this year is flying by. Or maybe that’s just because this past month felt like it was non-stop. Something was happening every single weekend. But now it's time to relax and vent.



+ I don’t know K’s phone number without looking it up. I’ve never needed to know it. It’s in my phone, I scroll and select ‘boo thang’ and it calls or messages. Why do I need to know the number? Confession part b: this annoys him so much.

+ I’ve pretty much given up on “adult reading” and have been reading only cheesy romance novels on my Kindle. a) they’re free; b) they’re quick and easy {ha!}; and c) books are books. The thing is, I’m the worst when it comes to making decisions. If I could avoid making them all together that would be awesome. I also hate starting a book only to be 2-3 chapters in and realize I hate it, or be so annoyed with the characters that I want to just stop reading. But then I get mad because I hate leaving books unfinished. It’s a vicious cycle... and thus, romance novels.




+ Little things tend to make me crazy. Case in point, when I send this to K saying "we should make these" and he responds with "what are they". Instant annoyance. 


It's a house... obviously.

+ I’m the biggest morning procrastinator on the planet. I lazily wake up at 6am. Harass the cats for waking me up because they want to be fed. Feed them, use the facilities, and then I either check my e-mail or go make tea and dick around on my laptop until oh..... 7am. Then I start deciding what to wear. Then around 7:15 I hop in the shower, and then I’m out and usually just stare at the wall trying not be cold. Then at around 7:35 I realize I need to eat breakfast and pack my lunch. Mind you, I need to be walking out my door at 7:50. Someone slap me.




+ I hate to say this but I'm starting to dislike my gym. January 1st hit and there was a bandwagon uprising. Everyone and their labradoodle now goes to my gym. Getting in the squat rack is damn near impossible because Johnny 2 Flex needs to squat, bench, lift, curl and admire for the next 30 minutes. Hey douchebag, other people need to get their squat on! even as I was drafting this thought at the gym there was a line 3 deep at the water fountain. 




+ I just discovered Florida Georgia Line. What?! I know. I'm ashamed. I was listening to Spotify on my way home Monday night and Cruise came on {probably the one and only song I've heard previously}. So in obsessive nature, I proceed to listen to every single song they've ever released. And I fell in love. Hard. Current favorites? Like You Ain't Even Gone; Good Good; Tell Me How You Like It; and Every Night. All I can envision while listening to them is a road trip in progress, windows down, radio up, and sun on my shoulders. #summerlove




And that's enough confessing for one day. I need to get back to my new found FGL obsession. Priorities and all.  

March 23, 2015

Cake Boss

It seems like everyone in blogland has a side hustle. Whether that's design work, freelance writing, an Etsy shop... everyone is pulling in some extra dough. And kudos right? We could all use some extra dolla dolla bills. I'm happy to say that I think I finally stumbled on my own side hustle.

Last weekend was my friend's bachelorette party. As MOH it was my duty to host. I was given explicit directions that she wanted "penis everything". It's not my personal preference but what the bride wants, the bride gets.

I set about buying penis necklaces, lollipops, straws, and other trashy party gear. 

The soon t be Mrs requested that she have a phallic cake. Easy enough right? Spencer's sells the cake pans. I picked one up and then after browsing Google and Pinterest for decorating ideas I picked up all my cake baking goods. 

I opted for funfetti batter because why not. Plus it's the only cake mix worth buying. I didn't take pictures of this part because really, you should know how to follow box cake instructions. And if you don't, you're probably not old enough to even be reading this. After your cake is done, pop it out of the pan and onto a baking sheet {cake board if you have it}, let it cool, and add a layer of frosting. Set it aside and try not to eat the remaining icing in the container. 



Next comes the fun part. When I do things I like to give them my all. It's  the perfectionist in me. I knew that simply icing the cake wasn't going to be good enough. It needed to look real. I didn't want to spend the money, or go out again, to buy fondant. I stumbled across this recipe to make your own fondant. I was wary but figured it was worth the try.

This recipe called for only a bag of mallows, food coloring, vanilla extract, and confectioner's sugar. Super easy!

You start by dumping your mallows into a microwave safe bowl {pyrex for the win}, adding a few teaspoons of water and the vanilla. I probably put in a tablespoon of vanilla. Then you heat them in 30 second increments. You want them to poof up and melt but you don't want it all over your microwave so heat, stir, repeat.


Once they're all melted it should look like a bowl of fluff. Here's where you add your food coloring. To get the perfect flesh tone you're going to want to add 7 drops of red; 3 drops of yellow; and 2 drops of blue. It should look like the picture below - kind of a muted pink. 


Next, add a half cup of confectioner's sugar to your "fluff" and mix it all in. Then add another half cup and mix all of that in. You're going for a silly putty look. Keep adding confectioner's sugar until the mixture starts to no longer look like slime. 

This is the part that will get super messy if you don't lube up properly. You're going to want to put about 2-3 tablespoons of vegetable/canola oil on the counter, on your hands, and on the rolling pin. Otherwise when you're doing this next part you're going to look like this.


Once you're properly lubed up {no.. seriously. Trust me on this one} you're going to put the "dough" on the counter and start kneading in more confectioner's sugar. You want to add and knead until it starts to become silly putty. If your mix is still really sticky, add more sugar. I had about 3/4 of a bag in my cabinet and I used all of it. 

Once it's taking on some form you're going to keep rolling and kneading until you get the texture you want {pliable but firm} and then you're going to roll it out as much as possible. The shape doesn't matter since it's going over you're cake. Just roll it out so it's nice and even. 


Once you've placed it over your layer of frosting, start shaping it to the cake. Obviously since I wanted it to look uhh, authentic, I added "creases". This part is super easy because the fondant does exactly what it should and shapes perfectly. I added other touches but we don't need to get into that. This post is rated M enough as it is. 

Dessert is served!

I have to say for never having made one of these I was super impressed with myself. My bride and our friend loved it! Side hustle here I come!







March 20, 2015

Friday Favorites | Book Worm

This week took forever to come to an end. And I'll tell you a secret, this week was the first time I've ever dreaded a Friday. Say whaaa?! More on that later...

When I was in grade school one of the things I looked forward to was the annual book fair. They'd come in with these huge folding bookcases filled with all sorts of children's books. It was heaven. Then they'd send us home with a colorful order form from Scholastic and we were able to select the books we wanted to purchase. I always remember wanting all the books and then having a hard time trying to choose the 3 I'd ultimately order. In honor of that, here are today's favorites!


Babysitters Little Sister
I'm not sure why I never go into the Babysitters Club but my grandmother bought me the first few of the spin off Little Sister series {Karen is Kristy Thomas' step-sister fyi} and I loved them. I read as many as I could before I moved on to bigger and braver reads {ahem, Nancy Drew, ahem}.



Nancy Drew
These books started everything for me. They're what pulled me into mystery and suspense, now my favorite genre, and are still favorites some 23 years later. So much so that this past summer I started reading the entire series, every book I had not yet read, in order. It's an ongoing project. 



The Secret Garden
In full disclosure I need to read this again. It's been decades and I honestly can't tell you what it's about... except the obvious. I actually have 2 copies, and one is kind of fancy. I think the fact that it has those rough-cut edges makes me love it even more. 




Little Women
I had one of those mini copies of this. I remember reading it in 3rd grade while I was home with chicken pox {I did a lot of reading that week}. I think at the time this book was beyond me. I didn't understand some things but I remember thoroughly enjoying it. It's still one of my favorites and I even liked the movie.



Love You Forever
This book. This book brings out all the feels. Just find it, read it, and tell me you don't have a feel session. I had this when I was a kid and read it all the time. It's just so darn good! My friend wanted it when her son was born, so I bought it. My niece got it for her 1st birthday. It's just one of those books you hand down. 

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be"

Goosebumps
These were also a huge fave, continuing my infatuation with suspense and mystery. I would borrow them from the library and I know I read a few more than once. Seriously, who didn't love these? I may need to start a Goosebumps marathon...



Now that I've taken a literary trip down memory lane I feel the need to get to my all-grown-up reading. 

What were some of your favorite childhood books?


March 18, 2015

The Asshat Files| Vol. 1


It's no secret that I have 78583 pet peeves. They range from true annoyances to things that I just don't like. When someone does these things I am forced to refer to them as an asshat. Thus.... the asshat files.



Do you scuff your feet when you walk? Then you might be  are an asshat. I was walking to the bank the other day and this woman in boots was scuffing her feet on every. single. step. I wanted to trip her and then yell that if she picked up her get them maybe that wouldn't have happened. 

When you say 'like' after every second or third word, I don't care if you're discussing astrophysics, you sound like a moron. Every now and then, okay, but like when your like I talked to Kayla and like she was so bitchy because like I kind of blew her off, so like literally....I'm going to rip your tongue out. 



That person that places a cone in an empty space on the street. Apparently this secures the spot for them because it's absolutely impossible for someone to move saps cone and park there anyway. You know what, just because you're such an asshat for even putting the cone there in the first place, I'm not going to move it, I'm just going to park over it. Consider my car my "cone". 

People that chew like cows. The other day I was on the bus and this girl next to, and then behind, me was chewing gum with her mouth open. For the love of everything carbs, close your damn mouth. Why on earth do you think I want to hear you chew?? I mean really, not only is it disgusting, it's one of the most annoying noises in the history of sound. You bitch, are an asshat. 



My coworker who insists on leaving a soaking wet sponge lying in the sink after she's washed her lunch dishes. This just grosses me out to no end. First of all, sponges are a haven for bacteria. Second, it's filled with cold, dirty water. How is it a "good idea" to just leave it there? 


Are any of these on your pet peeve list? 









March 13, 2015

Friday Favorites | Throwback TV Edition

TGIF!!! I don't know if it's the career student in me or what but when spring gets sprung I get spring fever and want to do nothing but spend all my time outside... even if it is a high of 45.

We're back with another edition of Friday Favorites. Today's picks are all about throwback TV shows. I really wish some of these shows were still on because 30 or not, I'd still be watching them.

Clarissa Explains it All
Hands down, my favorite show as a kid. I want her room and her cool clothes. Seriously, I was a major geek for this show. If you ask me, she was the original hipster.



Salute Your Shorts
This show had me wanting to go away to summer camp like crazy. I always thought it would be just like the show. A great freaking time! True story - I never went to summer camp. I did summer bible camp for a week for two years though.... so not the same thing, although it was fun. 



The Secret World of Alex Mack
Good 'ol Nickelodeon churning out the best shows ever. I wanted to be Alex SO much. She got to morph into that awesome silver puddle and go wherever she wanted. Plus, she had mind powers. 



Hey Dude
Not too many people recall this show but it was one of my favorites. I don't know if it was the fact that they got to work on a ranch or that there were horses but all I knew was that it was so different from the life I knew at that age. Plus I had a crush on Ted.



Are You Afraid of the Dark
This was obviously the start of my glutton for punishment type ways. This show used to scare the bejeezuz out of me and yet I insisted on watching it. So much so that I could never fall asleep after watching it. My favorite episode though? The Tale of the Ghastly Grinner; the one with Tia and Tamara Mowry, The Tale of the Chameleons, and the one with the creepy red pool guy... 





Sabrina the Teenage Witch
I've always been interested in 'witchcraft'. It's one of those if I could have powers what would I pick kind of things. Plus, how adorable was Salem the cat? And can I please get a teleportation closet already?!



Sister, Sister
If there was ever a TV character I wanted to be, this was it. I wanted this to be my life so much. Thinking about it now it's hysterical, but then... we had the same hair, and we're the same skin tone. Plus they dressed so cool!




What shows were you addicted to as a kid?

March 11, 2015

Self-Realizations

Can I get a collective amen that we've finally sprung forward?! It's been nice out, the sun is shining, the work days are going quickly at the moment, and confession day is here! 

  • As much as I love it, I despise working out. I’m gung-ho {who came up with this term???} for a few weeks or months and then all of a sudden my mojo just disappears. Case in point – I haven’t done yoga in about a month and I’ve been beating myself up over it.

  • I adore my shoes but I don’t want to wear them. The thing is I usually don’t wear anything other than sneakers, flats, or boots. I absolutely hate being uncomfortable... and walking 4 blocks to get to the bus to get to work is the definition of uncomfortable when heels are involved.
  • I’m a lazy dresser. I wish I had the desire to put adorable outfits together accessorizing to the max. It’s just not me. I know when something is a good “style” by looking at it but when it comes to styling myself I’m like a fish with a remote control. I live for comfort. If it’s hassle-free and can be utilized 564921 different ways then it’s for me. Basically, I don’t have time for accessorizing.

  • Restless needs to be my middle name. My best friend jokes with me that I have ADD. Sometimes it would seem that way. Unfortunately, I think restlessness is my true problem. I get bored so easily that I actually frustrate myself. For 10 years I bled, sweat and cried to finish school and get my degree. Now I have it and I’m fed up with working in the legal field. #graduationproblems 

  • Coffee is not my go-to. Coffee is amazing. Good coffee is mood altering. But first thing in the morning I reach for tea. It’s not that I don’t want coffee it’s that K-cups in the office make me want to vomit. I don’t know what it is about those guys but they make my stomach turn. When I was working in the city I had to flat out stop drinking coffee because it was making me nauseous. The horror....
  • I shut down my laptop whenever I go away more than a day. Sunday afternoon I was met with a 'your password is invalid' message. I immediately started freaking out that I was going to have to replace it and would lose everything.... and then I remembered my numerical password doesn't start with a zero. #dumbass
  • I think my interest for TWD has officially been rekindled. This season is still holding my attention. I don't trust Deanna. Sasha is losing it, Rick is kissing married women, and Carol is threatening children. WHAT IS GOING ON!?

That's it for this week. On an unrelated note, do me a favor and send me good vibes today. I'll explain later!

March 9, 2015

Currently Coveting | Vacation

Since this will be my first real vacation in the history of life I want to have all the things. I did find myself a passport wallet and I have to say, I feel all adult-like. Unfortunately, as far as clothing and “resort wear” goes.... I’ve got nada. I’m the girl that spends her vacation down the shore. Resort wear is not in my vocab closet. Obviously that means we need to discuss all the vacation things I’m coveting. Sorry Jesus.



Vacation Wishlist

  1. This striped canvas tote. Because white and navy stripes scream summer.
  2. This Alice + Olivia cover up is the greatest one I’ve seen but umm, $348 for an oversized doily? Just no. Fortunately I've already found one I love. 
  3. I don't know what it is but all of a sudden retro high waisted bathing suits are really growing on me. So much so that I actually ordered one. I’m equally nervous and oh so excited to wear it.
  4. These chained flip flops are so me. Simple with a little bit of edge. The $350 price tag though? Not by a long shot.
  5. A twisty back maxi dress is a necessity. I have a few but we all know that's not enough.
  6. These Pink flip flops are more my speed. But I want them in mint!
  7. Not that I'm the happy owner of a retro swimsuit it only makes sense to complete the look with a floppy sunhat, no?
Am I forgetting any essential must-haves?